Coming out as Trans / Gender Non Conforming Male I never set out to ‘pass’ as a woman. For starters that would probably even bankrupt Donald Trump with surgery costs. Let’s face it no amount of surgery is going to turn me into a woman so why even bother? Reality if is I’m not a woman. I’m just me! And let’s face it most Trans women tend to have this patriarchal illusion of women.
I’ll admit it’s not always been out coming out and I’ve had a few problems including losing my job in the June 2016. I’ve been given some abuse in the street. In 2015 some men wanted to physically harm me in broad daylight on the streets of Birmingham. One man even wanted to ‘Rape the woman out of me’.
Now I tend to take things on the chin and when I’ve faced any grief as described about I challenge that behaviour from men who see a major problem with my identity. I stood up and in doing so men backed down. Even the men at work shit it! I kid you not! They’d give me abuse and I’d give it back. However I wasn’t aware they were also making complaints to the management every time I countered their abuse. So in the end I lost my job. I was set up! Still I didn’t go down without a fight!
I have always stood proud and as I continue with my journey I never once have felt shame. I am happy who I am. I don’t feel ashamed.
Why should I?
My journey has consisted of doing what I did before came out. I enjoy seeing bands play. I love photography, Love meeting new people. Love visiting places be they in the UK or abroad. I love music and with it comes my love for Jack Daniels. What a drink! The list is endless!
There’s many positives in my life and men who come across me need to accept that I am a man with feminine traits. If they don’t like it then it’s their problem not mine!
I’m a man in what are considered women’s clothes.
DEAL WITH IT!
The vast majority of Trans women will have similar experiences to me. Where we differ is how we have chosen to deal with the problems we encounter. Trans women will fight tooth and nail to enter women’s spaces and take control of them by whatever means they have.
I have no interest in imposing on women and their safe spaces.
Why?
Biological women are not the problem. The problem is with other men. Why should women have to make room for us in their spaces when we should be standing up to men and telling them to ‘Fuck Off’ if they don’t like us?
To be honest life isn’t as bad as what many Trans women make out it to be. I go out to bars, venues, hang out with friends and with it enjoying life as much as possible. I am very public and part of my journey has been to hit the streets to educate the general public I honestly don’t know what there is to fear in the UK being Trans.
It’s also fair to say that biological women get more grief in public than the Trans community today. Cat calling, harassment right through to sexual assault, rape and murder! If many Trans women were to get off their high horses and looked at the statistics we’re far from being the most persecuted group of people on this planet.
It’s time Trans women (Feminine men) stopped feeling sorry for themselves and realise that life isn’t all about them! It certainly isn’t about forcing / guilt tripping women into having us in their safe spaces. As I said we should be taking up the issues with other men rather than projecting those problems on to women.
2017 is soon up on us and I would love to see more Trans women to drop their advocates and go out and live in the real world. It’s time to get a reality check instead of living under an illusion. Illusions aren’t good for you. Living in the real world is much more fun.
You will probably start enjoying life again!
Smashing Gender Prejudice And Patriarchy 
Awesome post! I agree with you: the problem is with men and their culture of violence against anyone who doesn’t conform to sexist stereotypes. Thumbs up a million times, and thank you for speaking the truth. You’re a trailblazer and I hope more and more trans people listen to you.
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Thank you for your kind words.
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What does your shirt say in the top image? Your purse is blocking one of the words. Ty.
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It says No Man No Right.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for your kind words.
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Thank you. I thought I was open and educated, but you made me realize I have more to learn. One thing I did learn is that lots of men don’t want to ‘be’ women, they just want to be themselves openly. I can embrace that, and it needs to be on billboards and written in the sky. We all deserve to live and look like ourselves. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
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Isn’t that the beautiful truth, outside of garbled rhetoric?
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Thank you for that x
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Reblogged this on stop trans chauvinism.
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Thank you x
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My brother.in-law loves dresses, frilly blouses, and skirts. He has a collection of shoes Imelda Marcos would envy him. Personally I envy his extremely beautiful long, luxurious hair. He’s a big, burly guy, and there has been very few incidents of bullying. He is one of the calmest, happiest people I know. 😀
He’s just himself. And he says that all these transactivists are making life suddenly more difficult. I can’t imagine that was the plan, when people came together to raise awarness? Now he has to explain that no, he is not planning to change sex, because that is impossible. He likes pretty clothes, and he hates the tiny gender box society offers men – and women.
I really appreciate your writing! As a norwegian, most of the gender struggles many UK and US friends deal with, are alien and scary. Normalizing The Feminine Man and The Masculine Woman is important work. Next we’ll take on the whole gender malarkey.
Keep up the good work! 😀
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I’m happy for you, that you know who you are and can be yourself.
that takes courage, and I’m glad I read this.
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Thank you for that x
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You are adorable! Better still clear thinking and self aware x
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Thank you Caroline x
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Thank you for this. It’s so important & really needed saying. The problem is men! Men excluding other gnc men from their spaces … that’s the worrying exclusion here.
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I am happy to read the words of a male trans (sorry if that’s not the right term) feminist ally. There aren’t too many about! Keep enjoying your life, best wishes.
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Ahhh, I love you so much! We need more voices and activism like yours. THIS is how you deconstruct gender, by breaking the connections between biological sex and the sex role stereotypes we call “gender”. Women fought for the right to cut our hair and wear pants, now it’s time for men to do their half, and I’m happy to support you all in it. 🙂
There are definitely a lot of real problems that trans people face in various parts of the world (including, yes, many “western” countries), but trans women having the “right” to female spaces and lesbian bodies is not one of them! Let’s shift the conversation to things like housing discrimination, employment discrimination, and educating medical professionals about how to safely properly care for their trans patients.
(For example, I heard of one clinic recently that was only collecting information about gender identity and not biological sex, so women and trans women were being sent pap smear reminders but trans men were not. Pre/non op trans men need pap smears, too!)
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Apparently this man has had the self-esteem to stand up for himself against all the hype and still understand that he is a man; and imo, an admirable one.
The class analysis of the m2trans issue, however, goes much further then men wearing non stereotypical male clothing. The crisis arises when men attempt to convince themselves and society that they are actually biological women. The are not, and never can be; (despite mutilating perfectly healthy body parts and poisoning themselves w a couple of synthetic hormones)…and ask any doctor; the endocrine system is the least understood most complex physiological system in the human body; we know more about the physiology of the brain.
It is every person’s right to do with their body what they wish; it is their business. But I don’t see society doing trans-sexual people any favors by encouraging them…and now children; to do irreputable and lifelong harm to their health.
Every human is born as we are born; with all of the gifts and flaws each and everyone of us has; no exceptions. Being born a woman or a man is never a personal flaw; nor is black hair or the skill to play Beethoven…We are ALL born as we are and to consistently find fault in who we were born as is tragic and should be addressed conscientiously, socially and perhaps even therapeutically.
The other issue is that the m2trans activists want us/women/society to believe that they as males; raised as the privileged class; have an automatic right to infringe upon the class that their class has oppressed globally and for thousands of years.
Men feel that they are justified in discriminating against half the world’s population using tactics such as violence, rape, withholding resources and creating horrific venues of female sexual slavery, prostitution and child pornography and rape and ownership….the list is a long one.
Now there is an active attempt by m2trans and men dressed as women to be allowed access to women and children’s private spaces; and the number of assaults, rapes and yes even murder are skyrocketing. Men do not simply stop behaving like men because they sometimes “feel” like a woman. (I have yet to have a woman tell me what it feels like to be a woman; women feel like people; it’s that simple).
Women have struggled for hundreds of years for female healthcare, equal pay, voting rights, education and sporting opportunities and the fundamental right to freedom, safety and happiness. M2trans and other men are threatening these rights; being counted in statistics as “female billionaires,” “female athletes,” “female violent offenders/inmates,” and they are actually siphoning off desperately needed money that was once allocated for women’s healthcare.
And now there is talk about spending billions of dollars for private restrooms for trans-people, when we’ve desperately needed those funds for ages for handicap accessibility and ironically more women’s public restrooms.
Frankly, i don’t care what anyone wears, it’s none of my business. IT’s one of the reasons i live in San Francisco; the diversity. But i draw the line at deception and harm being done to women and children by males with nefarious intent. Nice guys do not come with tattoos; and even if they did I don’t want them to invade my privacy. Surprisingly, many men do not want women in their private spaces as well; people need to feel safe and dignified in their private spaces.
So if society wants to accommodate transgendered people; that’s just fine with me; as long as it does not infringe on the rights of 3.5 billion women; that’s half the population of the planet; a majority of it’s population that have no where near the equal rights of men.
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Transgender women are murdered almost every day. I do believe they are a persecuted group. I realize you support a person’s right to be themselves and I agree with you on that. Please don’t lose sight of the terrible cost many transgender women pay.
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